סימן כט סעיף יז

אָסוּר לְאָדָם לְבַיֵּשׁ אֶת חֲבֵרוֹ, בֵּין בְּדִבּור בֵּין בְּמַעֲשֶׂה, וְכָל שֶׁכֵּן בָּרַבִּים. וְאָמְרוּ זִכְרוֹנָם לִבְרָכָה הַמַּלְבִּין פְּנֵי חֲבֵרוֹ בָּרַבִּים, אֵין לוֹ חֵלֶק לָעוֹלָם הַבָּא. עוֹד אָמְרוּ זִכְרוֹנָם לִבְרָכָה נֹחַ לָאָדָם לְהַפִּיל אֵת עַצְמוֹ לְכִבְשַׁן הָאֵשׁ, וְאַל יַלְבִּין פְּנֵי חֲבֵרוֹ בָּרַבִּים, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר הִיא מוּצֵאת. וְהִיא שָׁלְחָה אֶל חָמִיהָ לֵאמֹר, לְאִישׁ אֲשֶׁר אֵלֶּה לוֹ, אָנֹכִי הָרָה. וְלֹא אָמְרָה לוֹ בְּפֵרוּשׁ אֶלָּא בְּרֶמֶז. אִם יוֹדֶה יוֹדֶה, וְאִם לָאו, לֹא תפַרְסְמוֹ. לְפִיכָךְ צָרִיךְ הָאָדָם לְהִזָּהֵר מְאֹד, שֶׁלֹּא לְבַיֵּשׁ אֶת חֲבֵרוֹ בָּרַבִּים, בֵּין קָטֹן בֵּין גָּדוֹל, וְלֹא יִקְרָא אוֹתוֹ בְּשֵּׁם שֶׁהוּא בּוֹשׁ, וְלֹא יְסַפֵּר לְפָנָיו דָּבָר שֶׁהוּא בּוֹשׁ מִמֶּנּוּ. וְאִם חָטָא כְּנֶגְדּוֹ וְהוּא צָרִיךְ לְהוֹכִיחוֹ, לֹא יַכְלִימֶנּוּ, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר וְלֹא תִשָּׂא עָלָיו חֵטְא. בְּמֶּה דְּבָרִים אֲמוּרִים בִּדְבָרִים שֶׁבֵּין אָדָם לַחֲבֵרוֹ. אֲבָל בְּדִבְרֵי שָׁמַיִם, אִם לֹא חָזַר כְּשֶׁהוֹכִיחוֹ בַּסֵּתֶר, מַכְלִימִין אוֹתוֹ בָּרַבִּים, וּמְפַרְסְמִים חֶטְאוֹ, וּמְחָרְפִים אוֹתוֹ בְּפָנָיו, וּמְבַזִּין וּמְקַלְּלִין אוֹתוֹ, עַד שֶׁיַּחְזֹר לַמּוּטָב, כְּמוֹ שֶׁעָשׂוּ, כָּל הַנְּבִיאִים בְּיִשְֹרָאֵל, וְאֵין בּוֹ מִשּׁוּם אוֹנָאַת דְּבָרִים, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר וְלֹא תוֹנוּ. אִישׁ אֵת עֲמִיתוֹ וּפֵרְשׁוּ רַבּוֹתֵינוּ זִכְרוֹנָם לִבְרָכָה עֲמִיתוֹ, עַם שֶׁאִתְּךָ בְּתוֹרָה וּבְמִצְווֹת הִזְהִירָה הַתּוֹרָה עַל אוֹנָאָתוֹ, וְלֹא עַל הָעוֹבֵר עֲלֵיהֶן, וְלֹא חָזַר בּוֹ, לְאַחַר שֶׁהוֹכִיחוּהוּ בְּסֵתֶר וּבְלָשׁוֹן רַכָּה.

It is forbidden to humiliate anyone either by word or by deed, especially in public. And our Rabbis of blessed memory said,⁵²Bava Metzia 58b. "A person who humiliates someone in public will have no share in the World to Come." Our Rabbis of blessed memory said furthermore,⁵³Ibid, 59a. "It is better for a man to throw himself into a fiery furnace than to put his fellow man to shame," for it is said:⁵⁴Genesis 38:25. This refers to the incident of Tamar and Yehudah. "When she was being taken out [to be executed] she sent word to her father-in-law, saying: "By the man who is the owner of these articles I am pregnant." She did not say to him openly [that it was of him that she conceived] she merely hinted, [thinking] if he admits it, fine, if not, I will not expose him publicly." Therefore, you should be very careful not to humiliate anyone in public, whether he is a minor or an adult, nor to call anyone by a name of which he is ashamed, and do not relate in his presence anything of which he is ashamed. And if anyone sinned against you and it is necessary for you to admonish him [for it], do not humiliate him, for it is said:⁵⁵Leviticus 19:17. "Do not sin through him."⁵⁶Do not embarass him publicly. (Rashi) This law applies only to a case where he [sinned] against his fellow man, but if he [sinned] against God, and does not retract [and repent] when you admonish him privately, you may disgrace him publicly, and publicize his transgression, and you may revile him to his face, you may insult him and curse him until he returns to the good [path], as all the prophets in Israel have done. Regarding such a person [the law prohibiting] the making of disparaging remarks does not apply for it is said:⁵⁷Leviticus 25:17. "Do not speak slightingly to one another,"⁵⁸Alternately translated “Do not cheat one another.” Rashi explains that this verse contains the prohibition against verbal abuse, i.e. not to taunt anyone, nor give bad or unsuitable advice. and the Rabbis of blessed memory explain, that the word amiso [to your fellow man], applies to those who are of one mind with you in their observance of the Torah and the mitzvos. The Torah forbids you to abuse them verbally, but you are not [prohibited from verbally abusing] those persons who violate [the Torah] and do not repent [even] after they have been admonished privately, and with gentle words.

תנא דבי אליהו כל השונה הלכות בכל יום מובטח לו שהוא בן העולם הבא שנאמר הליכות עולם לו אל תקרי הליכות אלא הלכות (נדה ע"ג.)