סימן רד סעיף ד
מִי שֶׁטָּבַע בַּמַיִם אוֹ שֶׁהֲרָגוּהוּ גוֹיִם וְאֵינוֹ נִמְצָא לְקָבְרוֹ, כָּל זְמַן שֶׁלֹּא נִתְיָאֲשׁוּ מִלְּבַקְשוֹ, לֹא חָלָה לֹא אֲנִינוּת וְלֹא אֲבֵלוּת, וּמֻתָּרִין אֲפִלּוּ בַּתַּשְׁמִישׁ. וּמִשָּׁעָה שֶׁנִּתְיָאֲשׁוּ מִלְּבַקְּשׁוֹ עוֹד, מַתְחִילִין לְהִתְאַבֵּל. וְאִם לְאַחַר יְמֵי הָאֵבֶל נִמְצָא וְהוּבָא לִקְבוּרָה, אֵינָן צְרִיכִין לִנְהוֹג אֲבֵלוּת עוֹד, אֶלָא שֶׁאִם הוּא אָבִיו אוֹ אִמּוֹ, צָרִיךְ לִקְרוֹעַ. וּמִי שֶׁטָּבַע בַּמַּיִם וְיֶשׁ לוֹ אִשָּׁה וְהוּא בְעִנְיָן שֶׁאֵין מַתִּירִין אוֹתָהּ לְהִנָּשֵׂא, אֵין נוֹהֲגִין עָלָיו אֲבֵלוּת, וְאֵין אוֹמְרִים אַחֲרָיו קַדִּישׁ. וּמִכָּל מָקוֹם יִשְׁתַּדְּלוּ לַעֲשוֹת נַחַת רוּחַ לַנְּשְׁמָה לְהִתְפַּלֵּל לִפְרָקִים לִפְנֵי הַתֵּבָה, וְלִקְרוֹת הַהַפְטָרָה, וּלְבָרֵךְ בְּזִמּוּן, וְלִתֵּן צְדָקָה, וְלִלְמוֹד אוֹ לִשְׂכּוֹר מִי שֶׁיִלְמַד עֲבוּרוֹ.
If a person drowned, or was murdered by non-Jews, and his body was not found for burial, so long as the search has not been abandoned, the laws of onein and mourning do not apply, and even marital relations are permitted. From the time the search is finally abandoned, they begin to observe the laws of mourning. If, after they finish the period of mourning, the body is found, and brought to burial they need not observe another mourning period. However, if the deceased is his father or mother, he must tear his garments. If a man drowned and left a wife,1Shvuss Yaakov Responsa I:103. However, the Maharam Habib and Shach 375:7 maintain even if he is not married one may not observe the rites of mourning for we fear people will exterpolate from this to other cases and subsequently will permit the wife of such a person to remarry. And this is forbidden. The Chassam Sofer, Responsa 344, says one may rely on the Shvuss Yaakov. and proof of his death is so unsubstantiated2As when he drowned in a sea where he possibly came out and was just not noticed. that she cannot be permitted to remarry, mourning should not be observed for him,3So as not to mistakenly allow his wife to remarry. (For someone may testify in Beis Din, on this basis, that her husband died.) This law is the opinion of the Rif and Beis Yoseif. But the majority permit mourning (Rashba, Ra’avan, Rambam, Tur, Mordecai, etc.) However, we are strict like the Rif. and Kaddish4Chinuch Beis Yehudah Responsa 91. But the Knessess Yechezel, Responsa 53, and Mishkenos Yaakov Responsa 69 permit the son to say Kaddish. should not be recited for him. Nevertheless, his kin should try to ease his soul by occasionally leading the prayers at services in the synagogue, by reading the Haftorah, by leading the Birkas Hamazon,5See Kitzur Shulchan Aruch, Chapter. 45. by giving charity, and by learning Torah, or by hiring someone else to learn Torah in his memory.
תנא דבי אליהו כל השונה הלכות בכל יום מובטח לו שהוא בן העולם הבא שנאמר הליכות עולם לו אל תקרי הליכות אלא הלכות (נדה ע"ג.)